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Blame
By kiri | October 14, 2008
I’m gonna put it all on the moon.
I’d been insane for the last few days. Part of it was because of all the internal conflict with Carter but there was something magnifying that, fueling it. I broke down and started crying at one point yesterday - for no real reason - and stopped myself.
It was exactly like I was hormonal but I’m not due to start acting like that for almost two weeks yet. -sigh-
It’s gotta be the moon.
Whatever was wrong seemed to start easing up last night. I still feel off somehow, but it’s nowhere near as bad as it was.
I got to go see Carter last night. He told me, yesterday afternoon, that I could go over there last night but he wouldn’t be home until around ten. I was so tempted to say fuck that noise but if the last few weeks have been any indication of how things are going to continue to go, I figured I’d better get some fucking in while I had a chance.
I climbed my tree at the lake (which remind me, I have pictures of those not-so-baby-ducks to post!) and sat there for a bit people watching while I waited for him to call and cancel on me. He called and told me I could leave there in about half an hour. I was shocked. -smirk- I got up and walked around the lake to kill the remainder of my time then started the trek to his place.
No butterflies this time. No nothing, actually. I was surprisingly detached. Well, maybe it’s not all that surprising. I’m wondering if I haven’t put up a pretty little wall between me and him. Or maybe I’m still in ‘reboot’ mode from the overload. I guess time will tell.
The blowjob was good even if he did make me miss the last few minutes of George Lopez.
I was good. I’m getting better at getting him just past the tight spot in my throat. He’s curling more often and I’m taking it much better. The heaving seems to be stronger but I’ve somehow started recovering from it more quickly. It’s impressive.
The fucking was a fucking of the usual variety. He felt good. I felt good til he tried to kill me. He tried to fold me in half and I actually got pissed. He made a comment about the size of his dick in an attempt to get me to talk dirty, I think, but I was too busy trying not to scream to be bothered with all that.
Say something.
Fuck you.
Did you just say fuck you?
Fuck you.
He proceeded to pound me even harder. I kept thinking about how much fun it’d be to scratch the shit out of him.
Are you mad at me?
You don’t wanna get me started.
I moved from thinking about scratching to thinking about kicking and punching. I was spoiling for a fight.
I wanted to so bad.
And I wanted him done and off me.
I bore down on him, flexing every cunt muscle I could. He felt it and started thrusting even harder. Lucky for me, I’d managed to shift myself just enough. It didn’t hurt quite as much as it would have.
He came and, once he was through spazing, rolled off me. I stretched out as far as I could to counteract the creaking in my hips and laid there for a minute. He asked if I was okay and I told him I didn’t know.
He got cleaned up and asked again. I just looked at him.
He he asked me one more time and I told him I wasn’t going to answer him.
He was smart enough to let it go.
I have no idea how to tell him what’s been going through my head or what was going through my head while he was fucking me. I’ll get it figured out, though. I have to.
Once we’d cooled off a bit, I told him to come lay next to me. I guess he thought I wanted to cuddle. I pushed him a bit to show him I wanted his back and rubbed his neck and the available shoulder. I got up to leave and he stopped me. I was like ‘ummmmmmmmmmmmm….’ til he said I had to do his other shoulder. -smirk-
I got that done and got up again. He didn’t stop me that time. As he was walking me out, he started rubbing my shoulders. I wasn’t too sure which hurt worse - the fucking I’d taken or my shoulders. I stopped, though, to let him rub for a minute. He stopped rubbing and I started walking again.
Then he threw me for another loop.
He wrapped his arms around my waist the rest of the way to the door. Eeek! Affection???
It was a lil awkward for him. It had to have been. He’s too tall for that shit. It felt nice, though.
We got to the door and we hugged. I kept him close to me longer than I should have and let go, ready to go out the door. He asked me a silly question.
Do you want me to text you from work tomorrow?
… You can try.
I can try?
I’ve been half a mind to give you a dose of your own medicine.
Shut up.
I’ll be at M’s house tomorrow instead of Wednesday and he’s going to be working me like a dog so I may not be able to get back to you. If it takes me a while, you know why.
Okay.
[I forgot my Dew so I went back inside to get it. Couldn't resist driving home my point.] See how that works? ‘I’ll be busy so if I don’t get back to you right then, I will as soon as I can.’
I do that.
[I cut my eyes over my shoulder at him and smirked.]
Shut up.
I laughed a little and told him I’d talk to him later.
I got home and managed to have some halfway pleasant dreams.
Now I have four hours of scrubbing and sucking and gods know what else to do.
With any luck, I’ll be back later tonight.
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