Delayed Reactions
By kiri | May 11, 2008
Okay, first I have something I’ve got to say and I can’t believe I let this part slip.
A handful of ice in your cunt hurts!
I’m guessing it was after our attempt at fisting. I was close to being raw and rather tender. He grabbed the ice and I was thinking ‘thankyouthankyouthankyou.’ It felt great. At first. Then came the cramps. I sat up and felt the water starting to work its way out. That would have felt good, but…the cramps! I tried to get up and he pushed me back down.
Where do you think you’re going?
Where indeed. *sigh* I sat, like a good girl, til it melted, and got up. I guess it was right before our breather.
Anyway, there’s been something of a delayed reaction.
I’ve not been one for drops. I’m more prone to becoming somewhat hyper or…hmmm…smaller? Like when I had to give Hunter a goodnight kiss or when I got clingy after a scene with DT.
Nothing happened this time. Well, I was hyper during the breather but once we were through for the night I went straight to sleep. The next morning, the fact that I hadn’t really been affected crossed my mind. I just brushed it off.
Now that I’ve had time to process it’s there, that whisper of a desire to have him close. I want to curl up in his arms and feel his fingers running through my hair. I want contact, need it. I had the chance to get it this evening and I let it pass right on by.
He was here again today and I was wrestling with myself most of the time. I started folding the clothes on my bed as a way of distraction and something of a stall tactic. He had something up his sleeve when he came over. I knew it wouldn’t be ‘bad’ but I was still nervous for some reason. And I knew he’d wait until I’d finished. Maybe he shouldn’t have. I know I shouldn’t have.
He thought I still had a toy I didn’t (it died) so that threw one of his ideas out the window. He settled for putting my bullet in on a low setting. He came over from time to time and increased it until I was wriggling enough for his liking. A while later, he took it out and laid on the bed with me. A bit after that, I gave up and curled up close to him. About the time I got comfortable, he reminded me that it was late and he has class tomorrow.
I just got back from taking him home and I’m steadily kicking myself in the ass. I’ll just have to suck it up, though.
There’s been an underlying sense of unease for the last couple of days, almost like he’s gotten too close. Or I’ve stepped way too far outside my comfort zone. I’m starting to realize just how much damage was done and it’s kinda pissin me off. I thought I’d started to come around but I’m nowhere near where I thought I was.
He’s made mention of resuming my training and at first I thought it’d be nice. Now I’m not so sure.
Tags: damaged, DT, processing, scenes, training |
No comments yet.